Demons Unleashed

Layers of emotions lay suppressed in events surrounding me by decisions and circumstances I cannot foresee
And in me lays a fragile bubble that protects my wound so easily popped by triggers around me
If I listen to my heart closely I can see and feel it’s attempt to heal itself ever so slowly
While my soul coos me with comfort of the unknown, understanding and trusting my aura and all the potential good I will soon explore
Yet, in the little creeks of the wound that is attempting to heal, creeps in the demons that are trying to weaken the formation of my strong build
These demons, they play in hopes of making my body their personal playground of foreplay
Fortunately my mind and soul have now combined, helping each other to see the truth and separate the rest from the delusional lies
I’m forever thankful that they are teaming up and building, for there was a time when they were amateurs and believed all that they were led too, unprotected and vulnerable spirits of my being

Stepping outside this generalization of emotions, I must portray the actual experience I am feeling
See, there was this boy who I use to give my heart too
Day in and day out through all the torment and delusions I let him lead me into
And though I’ve let go, not much too my credit since that was also his doing
I find myself being appreciative of a past that once was and a present that is still healing
I hear myself speaking and I’m proud of my growth
I hear the remarks of others and I know I’ve come far in this road
I listen to my body and the anxiety is decreased
There’s no reason for my heart and soul to be in fear of me and the decisions that I may foreseek
And yet, through all this good and growth I am experiencing
Lurks that little voice in me that is yearning to grow and destroy all this healing
It seems it wants a voice, a wanting  to be heard
The old me would have provided my heart and soul for a shelter to its dark being
But this me knows that only causes prolonged anxiety and terror caused by a delusion turned into a monster feeding it’s growth through thoughts and unwarranted fears
Fool me twenty-five years long, shame on you – Fool me now, and my backup that includes my spirit, soul, heart and support systems in this world will definitely have a speaking with you
But, because you are a part of me and deserve to be heard, only to eliminate the fact that you’ll creep into a subconscious blurb
I’ll let you have the next few lines of this piece
The spotlight is gracefully on you
Enjoy it while your granted a voice to speak, in an environment that will not allow you into my body of healing and growth at its peak

Almost like you’re a schizophrenic with another voice that speaks
In attempt to separate yourself from a part of you that you’ve known through all your life
Yet you’ve only been there through my down’s, never at my ups never at my peak
I thought this was my time, let me speak
Always forcing yourself in situations where you’re not wanted
Shut up, damn let me get in a few words without you interrupting my speech
Not so powerful now huh? You use to be shut me out  look at the turning tables, you’re almost obsolete
So powerful now you seem, but I see you and I know you try so hard to make me obsolete
But the truth is, I still lurk in you and fill your heart and soul with anxiety, even right now, as I speak
See, I lurk on the unknown and I love sucking you dry with all the fear
I know your weak spots and you’re so easily wooed in by my soft deter
You weaken at your past, no closure, why people do what they do
Anxiety lurks in being alone and so temptation you must fight
Remember those nights where being with him momentary was okay, it put you at peace for a couple of days?
Until you were fucked and chucked, but I never promised you commitment or a happy ending, that was your own fault, your own delusional lies
See, I know you’re twisting and turning for this coming week, you’ll take the right measures to make sure you don’t fall into the cycle again but I’ll be lurking, bitch I’m going no where especially since all you give me is so sweet to taste
The sweating, the heart racing, the thoughts, the tears, I feed on this
I feed on you, I’m not letting you go and neither will you
Oh how I miss your tears and self-doubt
The way your heart would race and the questions that would form from your mouth
The hatred you had for yourself and the confidence that was so little
The situations you so willingly put yourself through while it weakened your demeanor
Oh baby, how I miss those days
Come back to me, I’ll give you instant gratification for many many days
It’s just a matter of time until your back to your old ways
You’re my little bitch and I’ll claim you harder for all those days you’ve gone astray
I’ll just wait patiently
I will devour you in my demon ways, watch me puppet you back to my ways

Are you done now? I let you speak.
You are an empty vessel that makes a lot of noise as you speak
I agree, your words have been followed by actions and conclusions that you seeked
You’ve won many battles, for days, months and even years
But what you don’t understand now and that you’ll slowly see
Is that you are no longer faced with a fragile me
Though I have my fears and a healing soul
It’s surrounded by much more warriors that you’ll have to go past in order for control
Family and friends who guard it with care
Experience that has shown me that what you say is unrealistic and as attainable as touching air
Positivity and affirmations have taken a front seat
And happy days are countless while your demons days are slowly being deteriorated even as I speak
Beyond that, in all its power and glory is the one energy you will never surpass, God in its magnificent truth is something you will never get by with your ugly ugly soul and all its mistruth
The difference between then and now is that I acknowledge you for what you are
The fucking scum of the universe who lurks on people like me
And truthfully, you’ll probably get me again but never ever in the same grasp that you once did
You know my fears I agree
I’m dreading this coming week
I’m scared shitless but I know I won’t fail
I have a support system and myself, we will prevail
For the nights that are low, I will have even higher highs
And for the times I cry, I now know not to hide
For the time temptation lurks in, I know who to go too and far from what you offer in your disguise

You are the devil, the demons that run in my mind
You are lies and false promises
You are what my soul and heart now recognize

To say I hate you, would be untrue
You feed on that, so I want to say I love you
I’m sorry because you’ve gone through your fair share
And in defence you became the evil, harsh part of me
Your full of fears, worry, anxiety and hate
You feed on that because it’s what you’ve always known and offered yourself for countless days
You are the scared child in the corner that never had a voice to speak
And when you were given one, it represented all that you knew
A product of your own enviornment
A representation of all the misery you entailed
How can I hate you?
You just choose to deal with circumstances a different way
You’ve put me through hell, on many days you’ve certainly accomplished it
But you’ve taught me everything I didn’t want to be
A truth that is far from what you see
I love you, for you are weak
I love you because your full of insecurities
I love you , you are the raw, scared part of me
I love you because in all truth, you are a part of me

But I will not allow you to control me in all that you do
You will have to cope with a more positive, realistic point of view
And if you got to know me you would know,
I’m a wonderful, spirited, loving soul
An6d we deserve all the good that comes our way
But you’ll have to work with me and trust in the greater good
Have faith, patience and love to spread
It will all come back, I promise
You’ll see
Trust in me
We have a long way to go and it’ll be a rocky road
But you will take the back seat
For there is too much good to be obstructed by your view
I have much to do and many places to go
People to meet and stories to be told
Love to share and love to have
And that is too much…too much to give up for a lie that is far from the truth that is told

I am beauty in my pain
I have learned and continue to learn through my experiences
I will try day in and day out to value my worth, appreciate my soul and stay away from those that bring me down
beyond all of that, I will live for the positivity of myself, to honour and believe in myself
I have me in my entire soul, mind, heart and all of it’s existence
To sacrafice that for the demons that lurk is unacceptable
If you must, you may continue to crawl around but for every time you do you will undoubtedly be shut down
I love myself
I love me
I love my spirit
I love my heart
I love my soul
I love my body
I love my mind
I belong to the universe and all it’s energy
And you will have to face my warriors and I
To ever ever again, get the best of me

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